


Substitutes

by Moontyger



Category: DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Angst, Community: dc_flashfiction, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-23
Updated: 2009-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-05 01:32:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moontyger/pseuds/Moontyger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which there is much angst, talk of lots of dysfunctional sex and identity porn, and Tim wears cat ears.</p><p>Written for the Lord King Bad Fic Challenge in <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/dc_flashfiction/">DC Flashfiction</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Substitutes

Tim wakes suddenly, shaking, to wet sheets and an ache in his heart. The dream had seemed so real! Bruce...

He remembered the first time, after his first night out in Gotham as Robin. He was so keyed up afterwards, so high on adrenaline he knew he was never going to get to sleep. He looked at Batman and wanted to say something, something about how wonderful it had been, but words would cheapen the experience while never really expressing it. So he just looked, and then he moved towards him and he felt Batman's mouth hot and hard on his.

He never once thought of saying no, not when he felt Batman's mouth on his cock nor when he slid inside him, slick and hot and hard. Not even when the name Batman cried out was "Robin" instead of "Tim." After all, he'd worked hard for the right to call that name his; even if he wasn't sure he'd ever really be good enough to deserve it.

Tim could have stopped it, after. He could have said no and just let it be that one time. But he didn't and it wasn't. When he thought about it later, he knew they were both using each other, both really wanting someone else they could never have. Bruce wanted Jason and Tim wanted Dick and instead they had each other, almost right but not quite.

But now, now it had been a long time. He was in Blüdhaven, not Gotham, because he'd told Bruce that he didn't want to see him. Sometimes, that was even true. Just not right now, when he feels so alone and unready to be on his own, a bird shoved out of the nest too soon and falling rather than flying.

Bruce had sent Cass to Tim, and the idea made him bitter. What was she supposed to be, another substitute, Batgirl instead of Batman, once again almost right but not quite? And then he knew and it was almost worse. Cass was meant to be a substitute for _Steph_, the girl he had loved and who actually loved him in return. The girl Bruce had gotten killed through his own carelessness.

Cass had loved her, too, and he supposed it would be easy enough for them to find comfort in the warmth and need of each other, the fact that they were both still alive and hurting. Neither of them had made a move to do it, though, and he wasn't really sure why. Maybe he was just through fooling himself and wanted something _real_, to be with someone who loved and wanted him, Tim Drake, rather than someone else. He almost laughs at the idea. He is _Robin_ and if all the deaths lately have taught him anything, it's that he can't afford to have something real.

He had known, of course, about Cass and Steph. Few were as perceptive or knew so much about their teammates and friends as Tim. He knew, and they probably knew he knew, but it hadn't really bothered anyone involved. He had had Bruce, after all, and it didn't make him love her any less.

And later, when he had quit and Steph had been Robin, he suspected that she had been with Bruce, too, and he accepted that as well, or at least tried to. It was part of being Robin; had been for every Robin but Dick, the one who probably wanted and needed it the most. Tim didn't think Bruce had been intentionally cruel, giving everyone else what Dick wanted, he just... couldn't hold himself back anymore. Or maybe he respected them less.

It was possible that Steph had said no, or that Bruce hadn't wanted _this_ Robin, the one unlike any of the others. But Tim doesn't think so. And now she is dead and it doesn't matter.

Of course, Jason had been dead, too. So maybe it would matter again; maybe death isn't always forever. But he can't afford to count on that. Bruce's parents had never returned, nor had Dick's. He is sure his won't, either. And Steph, well... He hasn't entirely given up hope on seeing her again, but he is trying to. Better to be pleasantly surprised than disappointed; better not to fool yourself into waiting for something that won't happen.

Tim lays back down and tries to go back to sleep in sheets now clammy, tears trickling silently down his cheeks and tense muscles refusing to relax. Now he remembered what he had heard, what had probably triggered his dream. Batman... and Catwoman.

He had never been jealous of any of Bruce's women before. They were necessary, part of the Bruce Wayne identity that was increasingly merely a disguise to hide what lay underneath. Even if he brought them back to the mansion. They never saw the Cave, never knew the truth. But this... He was Robin again, Batman should be _his_! Even though it was Tim who chose to leave, he feels violated and rejected, replaced. Maybe it wasn't fair to ask Batman to be alone, but Robin was alone, too! Batman needed a Robin, but Robin needed Batman just as much.

He got very little sleep the rest of the night, but he woke with an idea. It was crazy; it was insane; it went against all his vows to himself – and he was going to do it anyway.

Even though he was impatient to be off, it took time. Tim had never been one to rush off unprepared; he was too careful for that. The emotional and mental preparation was even more important than the physical. Is he really ready to see the man he loved, whose approval he so desperately wanted? Especially now that he is truly alone; his parents and Steph dead, Dick off doing something that kept him away from all of them. Now that he is orphaned, too, he understands how Dick must feel. Can he stand to see the man who betrayed his trust? The man he still loves, despite that?

Cass watched him, but said nothing. Tim wondered what she thought about it, but didn't ask because he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer. He knew it was crazy and dysfunctional and stupid; he didn't need to hear it from someone else. She didn't even look surprised when he told her he was going to Gotham for the night.

It felt so familiar to be back in Gotham, back in the Cave, even if he was alone. Alfred was surprised but happy to see him and made it clear he would welcome Tim's return. His bedroom at the manor was just as he had left it, still ready for him. Here was a life he had turned down, just waiting for him to step back into it. Maybe...

He'll see how the night goes first.

When Batman returns that morning, he is alone. Tim, no, Robin is relieved. He had expected him to return alone, but it would have been awkward if he hadn't.

Robin thinks he sees an expression of surprise cross his face momentarily when he sees him, waiting. Then it is gone, and it is Batman approaching him, wary but achingly familiar. They stare at each other for a long moment.

Then Batman is holding him, kissing him fiercely, and it is as though no time has passed at all. "Robin," he breathes as he opens the suit, runs his hands over skin that hasn't felt his touch in what suddenly seems far too long. He can tell Batman has missed him, too. For the moment, Catwoman is forgotten as he loses himself in familiar sensations. Maybe he should have come back sooner.

It isn't until Robin is on his knees, Batman's cock in his mouth and his hands in his hair, that he notices. "Robin, what's this about?" he asks, pulling away and fingering the black leather cat ears he wore.

Robin leans back and smiles up at him. He hasn't smiled like that in what seems like forever, but he feels so relieved to be home again. Soon enough reality will come crashing back down to take his smile away again. But for now, he was home and Batman was glad to see him. And it was Robin's job to smile, to lighten Batman's endless dark night. Who should know that better than him?

The whole idea seems stupid now, but he answers honestly. "I heard you were into that, now."

"What?" Astonishment and something more in the face beneath the cowl.

"I have a tail, too. Want to see?" His smile was far from innocent and Batman shook his head as he took in the matching tail on the ass Robin shook before him in the most suggestive way he could manage.

Batman took Robin in his arms again, his only words on the subject a gruff, "We'll talk about this later."


End file.
